Relationships

Confusion

What did I say,
Why did you do that,
How can I cope,
Where do I find the strength?

I was never so mean,
Never treated you so bad,
Never said goodbye,
While already returning.

I don’t understand,
Did I cause this,
Help me to see,
Where it all came from.

I know it was good,
I think we were happy,
You said something else,
And left me bewildered.

I still have those feelings,
They’ll not go away,
A constant companion,
A light, a spark, a memory of what was.

I’m confused about the parting
I’m puzzled about the messages
I’m uncertain about the future,
Not even sure about the present.

The one thing I know,
Without fear, doubt or question,
That I still feel as I did,
Before all this confusion.

Breakups…

What does it mean to break up with someone you’ve called girlfriend, lover, partner, companion or wife? How should you cope? Why isn’t there a technical manual with instructions you can follow to get you through it?

Whether you, she, or no one, was to blame it hurts. It’s a pain that no painkiller can reach. For a time it seems that nothing except a return to your former partner can possibly relieve such a terrible pain. Then as time passes, without you noticing the pain starts to reduce. It’s not there all the time, you’re able to concentrate a little better, and doing so starts to distract you from the torment.

After a while (for some, a long while) the pain, hurt and upset leaves altogether and you are finally able to see the entire relationship for what it was, good or bad (more often a combination of both).

But through all this healing, something that no one tends to admit becomes apparent. It’s not mentioned it because it would get in the way of any chance of remaining friends, and worse, it gets in the way in future relationships. What is this surprising revelation?

True love doesn’t fade. If you really loved her, you still will, perhaps forever (I’ve not been around that long yet, I’ll keep you posted).

If you are relieved of the love as well as the pain, it wasn’t love. It might have been great, you may have been supremely happy, and if so don’t ever forget that, but if it’s gone, it was never there. That’s no disrespect to what you did have, it just is.

If, however, it’s still there, then cherish it because you found and felt true love, and that’s the closest to heaven you can get this side of the grass.

I’ve been lucky enough to feel the overpowering, joy, pain, highs and lows of true love twice in my life. Neither relationship worked out as planned, but I still carry both women in a special place in my heart. They were very different feelings though. The first was a gentle, encompassing feeling, while the second was a powerful jolt that surprised me the first time I felt it. Even now, I get a warm glow that’s completely recognisable as the memory of that love when I recall the good times we had, or when I bump into them around town.

Still, breakups suck, but they needn’t be the end, nor should they put you off trying. You just need to be prepared. Don’t hold back, but be realistic – not every relationship works out, not even the truely great ones. Enjoy each day, so once the pain has passed you can look back and smile about how happy you’ve been.

Relationships…

Relationships are hard.

It’s difficult to know what your partner is thinking (see my previous post on the subject), and even harder to know why.

When it comes down to it we put ourselves through the wringer, opening up all our defences, trusting that we know the other well enough to know they won’t hurt us, either accidentally, or on purpose.

“Here is my heart, please don’t step on it”

And why? What could possibly cause us to risk all we are, and all we feel?

The answer is clear to anyone who’s ever been in love of course – that feeling transcends everything, it makes you a hundred miles tall, you can achieve anything, and without a moment’s hesitation will do so for the one you love. The feeling, the companionship, the friendship, just a touch, it has a power that can’t be put into words. It is what makes life worth living!

The flipside, though is very dark. Just like a drug, the abandonment of a failed relationship is a palpable, violent, harsh, aggressive, destructive thing.

So is it worth it? Is the risk out-weighed by the rewards?

Undoubtedly! With out question it is, but be warned: it’s a hell of a ride, and its never what you think it might be at the outset, it’s always so much more.