People

The Medic

The right of might,
The frailty of truth,
The light in the night,
The word printed and passed.

Passing softly, unheard,
Leaving rapidly, uncaring,
The facts of the matter,
Not considered, just assumed.

The strength of conviction,
The warmth of the hearts,
All supporting the tiring,
With no shortfall of might.

What rest for your head,
Where to lay your cares,
How strong your companions,
Who won’t let you fall.

The answer unknown,
The future untold,
But remember, weary traveller,
You don’t journey alone.

The Meaning

The head doesn’t know,
It can’t compute,
The feeling I get,
When I read your words.

The heart can’t explain,
It hasn’t the voice,
It tries to express,
In the beat and the pause.

Your eyes shine bright,
Smiles span your face,
The warmth of your kiss,
And your sweet embrace.

The time that we spend,
In laughter, tears or song,
Fills me more every day,
Than I’ve ever known.

Yes please, I like it,
And I want it so much,
You’re so kind, So generous,
It’s just what I want.

The hour passes,
Our day is done,
The time for parting,
has finally come.

The sorry and joy,
Mixing yet unmixed,
And my love undiminished,
Driving me home.

Thought For The Day

There are those who think that the world is a wonderful place. There are also those who are convinced the world is a terrible place. Both groups are, of course, quite wrong. The world is a completely neutral place, however our perception of it may be altered by those who are closest to us.

I’m lucky, I have a wonderful, kind, supportive group of friends. When I’m facing a problem or a challenge they gather round (physically, virtually, literally or metaphorically) and help make sure I’m OK. Naturally, I’d do the same, in a heartbeat, should the need arise.

To me, today, in spite of having had a less than wonderful task to perform, the world seems a wonderful place, thanks to those friends, who made sure I was supported and ok (well, as ok as I was going to be).

What a wonderful, remarkable place, this world, that has such people in it!

To all of you, thank you!

The Space Inbetween Us

The words that you say,
The looks that you give,
The smile that lights up your face.

The way that you lean,
The turn of your head,
The moment that speaks to us both.

The songs that you sing to,
The prose that you quote,
The poems you read that I wrote.

It’s all in the air,
In the spaces between us,
You feel what I feel,
And I know how you care.

Your needs and your wants,
Fit neatly to mine,
The closeness we feel,
seems to grow all the time.

Whitley said it best,
But you say it all,
Your heart,
speaks directly,
to mine.

Inspiration

I can’t do it…
I’m here.
I don’t think I can…
I’ll support you.
Perhaps I can consider…
I am with you.

I can.

The thought terrifies,
Your words calm.
The prospect is too daunting,
Your voice relaxes.

A future of challenges,
Of pledges and changes,
The road is rough, narrow and hard,
And long, so long.

You support and console,
You soothe and unwind,
The thoughts I can’t cope with,
Just melt to your touch.

You motivate and spur,
To the next threat confronted,
The peril diminished,
At the sight of your face.

And when the day is done,
All foes subdued,
I can say with no doubt,
That you inspired me.

Leaves drifting on by

As the year draws to its inevitable close, so comes a time for thinking about what the last 12 months have held, and what awaits in the next 12. Work, love, friendship, parting and loss… There’s a list (see earlier posts for the highlights).

It is also, however, a time for quite planning, hoping and (insofar as makes any difference) deciding. This is the basis of the “New Years Resolution” tradition, and it’s not a bad idea.

The past only has value, and the future only holds promise, if you learn from both your successes and failures and use this to shape your actions in the present.

So what have I learnt?

* Don’t assume that all you feel is felt in return. Ask! If you can’t talk about everything, you can’t really talk about anything.
* Reach for what you want. It may seem distant, unattainable. It may just be a twinkle in the eye of a dreamer, but those dreams can come true.
* Love with all your heart, live with all your life, but also learn with all your brain.

It’s been a mixed year, with lots of opportunities to learn not to repeat one course of action or another but as the year comes to an end I see a bright star, a possibility, and I’m feeling happier than I’ve been in a long time. Will the outcome be what I’m hoping for? I don’t know, but that’s part of the ride!

It’s time to embrace those possibilities, meet them head on and strive for what I most want.

Bring it on 2016! I’m ready, are you?

Believe Me…

Believe me when I tell you I lied,
You know you can trust me,
so it doesn’t matter how it hurt,
I did it for a reason.

Believe me when I tell you that I want you,
After I told you that I didn’t,
It doesn’t matter how it hurt,
Because I did it for a reason.

Believe me when I tell you that I understand,
While I trash all you believe in,
Still doesn’t matter how it hurt,
Because I did it for a reason.

I’ll tell you that I love you,
Then tell you I was joking,
I’ll tell you that I need you,
Just not right now,
I’ll tell you that we mean a lot,
Just not enough to matter.

Believe me when I tell you that I cared,
While ignoring how I made you feel,
How I hurt you,
How I crushed you,
How my heal ground you to dust as I passed,
You know I did it for a reason after all.

Do what makes you happy…

Do what makes you happy, but don’t trade the happiness of others to achieve it.

Simple words, fairly wise. Most of us can see that it’s better to be happy than not, and most will agree that our happiness shouldn’t be at the cost of other peoples unhappiness.

What about those who, themselves, will only be happy if they can make you miserable? My ex-wife is an example that leaps to mind, and those of you who know her will, I’m sure, agree that if I achieve happiness she will be completely miserable, she will feel she has, in some way, failed in a mission. Of course the common sense answer is “so what?” or words to that effect. Isn’t it?

Well, while it appears to be common sense, those who truly believe in, and try to live by the opening statement of this post (as I try to, for all my failings) all too often allow those, who have in recent years become known as “haters” or even (incorrectly) “trolls”, to deny us happiness just for the shear hell of it. We try to help those who wouldn’t (and don’t) help us in return. We go without so that others can have, but when we are hurting, lacking, sad, lonely, depressed, or just short of beer money, suddenly we aren’t interesting any more…

It is an important lesson to learn, and it’s tremendously nuanced. Those who are determined to cause your unhappiness, or those who can only be happy if you are not, shouldn’t have a baring on your own decision making, and those who don’t really seem determined to MAKE you unhappy, but just only care when it suits them? Well have a long, hard think about it… How do you suppose that treatment is going to make you feel? Is there any reason that it might make you anything other than unhappy. When it comes down to it, they may not THINK they are deliberately making you unhappy, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are doing exactly that.

Not saying I have the answers here, you understand, I’m just writing a blog post, trying to get it straight in my own mind… And I’m not sure it’s working… I care, too much perhaps, that others are happy, and that all too often leads to complete misery on my part…

Relationships…

Relationships are hard.

It’s difficult to know what your partner is thinking (see my previous post on the subject), and even harder to know why.

When it comes down to it we put ourselves through the wringer, opening up all our defences, trusting that we know the other well enough to know they won’t hurt us, either accidentally, or on purpose.

“Here is my heart, please don’t step on it”

And why? What could possibly cause us to risk all we are, and all we feel?

The answer is clear to anyone who’s ever been in love of course – that feeling transcends everything, it makes you a hundred miles tall, you can achieve anything, and without a moment’s hesitation will do so for the one you love. The feeling, the companionship, the friendship, just a touch, it has a power that can’t be put into words. It is what makes life worth living!

The flipside, though is very dark. Just like a drug, the abandonment of a failed relationship is a palpable, violent, harsh, aggressive, destructive thing.

So is it worth it? Is the risk out-weighed by the rewards?

Undoubtedly! With out question it is, but be warned: it’s a hell of a ride, and its never what you think it might be at the outset, it’s always so much more.